The week of November 21, 2022 turned out to be a whirlwind. That Tuesday I had no idea I would be taking a huge step that would have the potential to completely change life as I knew it. Lets's get into it.
Honestly speaking, as the beginning of this dance season was underway I was excited to get back into the swing of things. After being away for a year and three months my expectations were high. As I anticipated new faces within the company, roles I would perform and the progress I would continually witness with my own body and training (after taking Summer classes with my favorite teacher ) my thought shifted to endless possibilities. I just knew this time in the company would be completely different.
Well, different it was! It felt magificent to witness my personal and artistic growth, perception and accumulation of knowledge from my first season to this one. Some of the things I had dreamed of mastering from within, that would allow me to project this confidence and calm no matter what, was happening before my eyes. I can't say that it was the result of anything I learned extensively within the company but on the contrary it was everything I was not taught on top of the previous experiences. Those experiences strengthened me before I even walked back through the doors. Everything was different for me. I knew it. I felt it. On November 22, 2022 something "clicked" for me and I knew that would be my last day dancing in that company. Although one personal issue after the next had been occurring, my decision was the result of a liberating realization. In the company I was merely number. My health as a dancer was not a priority and I knew that my dreams would be stifled had I chosen to try and contain my passion and continue to ignore my body within the organization. Those thoughts came rapidly and were sobering.
Here are the two reason I walked away. The first reason is dancing there any longer would have injured me. Conditions were often not ideal. I could hear one of my first dance teachers in my mind "No one can feel what you are feeling". Listening to my body was paramount. It can be really easy to comply with things that go against your better judgment when all you want to do is dance. I am grateful that was not my story. The same teacher I previously mentioned would often tell us “Your body is your instrument. You only get one". When you think that way, nothing is worth damaging yourself especially when you have your entire career ahead of you.
The second reason I walked away is because I realized that I want a meaningful career. It's funny how your thoughts are shaped and your desires change as you constantly submit to God. This is my personal story. As I sat in rehearsals day after day I noticed we were just quickly learning steps to get on stage. There was no passion, no process, no building up of the dancers. Perhaps I am "old school" for this but once upon a time there were real rehearsals. I can even remember having a thorough rehearsal process as a high school apprentice in my local studio's dance company. Dancers once had a space carved out for them to evolve with movement and to develop with the essence of a work. I am sure this is still the case in some places, but in most, especially with "good ole" social media influence, the art of process for the dance artist seems to be lost and even disregarded. I know I said I had just two reasons but here’s a bonus one. An evangelist and pastor I look up to admonished me one day. “Pursue the call!”. Her enthusiasm, albeit through DM, gave me an extra push
Although this is an abbreviated version of the experience I hope this has you thinking about your career and what you want to accomplish, but not just that. What do you want to say? Time is moving insanely fast. How is your being impacting the world around you?
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